Golden Rules For Your First Party

Your first lifestyle party can feel like the first day at a new school, only with better music and much nicer outfits. The butterflies are normal. Almost everyone in the room remembers their first night, and most of them will be kind to you because of it.

The good news: lifestyle parties run on a small set of rules that almost every host follows. Learn them before you go and you will look like you belong there.

1. No means no. Maybe means no.

This is the first rule for a reason. If someone says no, hesitates, or says "maybe later", the answer is no. You do not ask again in five minutes. You do not ask their partner. You smile, say "no problem", and move on. People remember who respects a no — and those are the people they say yes to later.

2. Couples decide together

At a lifestyle party you are often talking to two people, not one. Nobody joins a couple without both of them saying yes. If one partner is keen and the other is quiet, read the quiet one. The same rule applies to you: you and your partner agree before you say yes to anyone.

3. Ask before you touch

A friendly hand on the arm in a normal bar is one thing. Here, the safe habit is simple: ask first, every time, for anything. "May I?" is the most attractive phrase in the room.

4. You don't have to do anything

Many couples go to their first party only to watch, dance and talk. That is completely fine, and hosts expect it. Some couples go to five parties before they do anything more than flirt. There is no minimum, no score and no rush.

5. Dress the part

Most parties have a theme or a dress code. Follow it. When in doubt, dress one step up: a great dress, a sharp shirt, clean shoes. Looking like you made an effort is a compliment to the host and to everyone you meet.

6. Go easy on the drinks

One or two drinks help with nerves. Five drinks ruin nights. Nobody can give clear consent when they are drunk, and most hosts will ask very drunk guests to leave. Stay clear-headed so you can enjoy it — and remember it.

7. What happens here stays here

Never take photos. Never tell people outside the party who you saw there. Many members have careers, families and neighbours who don't know about their private life. Discretion is the reason this community works.

8. Agree on a signal

Before you walk in, agree on a simple signal with your partner that means "let's step outside and talk" — a squeeze of the hand, a code word, anything. Use it whenever one of you feels unsure. Checking in is not a mood killer. It is what keeps the mood good.

9. Thank your host

Hosts put a lot of work into a good party. Say thank you before you leave, follow the house rules, and you will be invited back.

The best rule of all

Leave the night still liking each other. A great first party is not about what you did. It is about how you feel on the drive home. If you are both smiling, talking and already planning the next one — that is a perfect first night.